January 16th, 2016
Well, I’m writing this from St. Vincent’s Eating Disorder Clinic. Day two. Four years later.
It’s Saturday and there are eight of us here today. My mood this morning at check-in was an 8 and motivation was a 10. We’re sitting here post-breakfast, and my anxiety’s now a 6. Breakfast was hard. Really, really hard. It was at the hospital, and I had this huge egg scramble from the grill, and toast with jam, and a full cup of fruit. It just seemed like such an overwhelming amount of food, and it was even harder being one of only three people to eat 100%. It was so hard. Also, mom and I are going to Pizzicato tonight, so I was already pretty anxious about that. Look at me, going for the challenge foods my FIRST WEEKEND HOME. What was I thinking when I agreed to put that on my meal plan?!?!? Probably wasn’t…
We’re here until 2 pm today, and then Molly and I are going to the mall. I’m going to get a drink from Starbucks with MILK in it as a challenge, which I know will be really hard for me. First time getting something other than straight black espresso in over a year. Really, really not sure why I decided to throw all these challenges at myself this first weekend.
Yesterday was good here. It’s hard, obviously, but now after coming out of residential, I feel like I have so much freedom here! It was good to see Dr. Rock. There are a few girls in my group that I kind of clicked with, so I’m super thankful for that. After treatment, Nia came grocery shopping with me, which was SUPER helpful, because I was pretty anxious about that endeavor. Then I went home and had dinner with mom, and went over to Dad’s to hang out with Brad post-wisdom teeth surgery. He seems to be doing well, so it was nice to just chill on the couch together and watch New Girl for a bit.
Okay, time for group now.