January 18th, 2016
Well, today was actually a really good day despite the hardships experienced earlier. We had a couple of really engaging and thought provoking groups in the afternoon, and then Brad and Dad came for dinner, and it ended up being very enjoyable. For that I am truly thankful. Now I’m just curled up on the couch with the puppies and about to read “Life Without Ed.” It should be a nice and relaxing evening. I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s going to happen when I go back to school. So much of me wants to just jump back into my old life @ OSU, with classes, Young Life, Dixon, etc. And yet, part of me is terrified of falling back into those same patterns, and wants to do a complete 180 and not even go back to Corvallis at all. A smaller part, definitely, but still a part. I think there will be A LOT of things, even more than what I realize right now, that will be VERY triggering for me. I know that that’s very “all or nothing” thinking, to think that I either need to go back and do everything the same, or not go back at all… So I guess the healthy thing would probably be to find a compromise somewhere in the middle. I expressed my anxiety about this to the group today, and we had a really good discussion about it. Ultimately, it was decided that I really don’t need to make a decision right now, and should just try to stay “in the moment”, and focus on treatment. I know they’re right. That’s definitely harder than it sounds though!