I’m overwhelmed with emotion in this moment. I’m back from Corvallis, where I just saw Maddie, one of my best friends, for the first time since I told her about my eating disorder, right before I got on a plane to go to Florida for treatment. I saw all my guy friends, who I haven’t seen since mid-December, and said goodbye to another one of my best friends, Lea, before she embarks on a four month long study abroad trip to South Africa. I can’t even identify half the things I’m feeling right now. It was great to be back in Corvo, but really hard, too. Lots of memories of E.D.-related things came flooding back everywhere I went, from just driving onto campus, to walking by Dutch, to seeing one of my co-workers from the gym in her workout attire, and even just being at the game. I was sad at times, when I was having so much fun, and realizing how much I’m missing out on. I was anxious at other times, thinking about what I’d eaten this morning and what I still had to eat the rest of the day, and feeling how tightly my pants were fitting. Then the anxiety would cause me to feel anger. Anger, at myself-because how could I possibly be having these E.D. thoughts while I was PRESENT at something that I’m sad about missing out on?! Something that my eating disorder took away from me. And then, of course, I was overwhelmed with joy when the Beavs won. That feeling, in itself, is enough to make me excited to go back.