January 26th, 2016
Mom and Brad came to the Friends & Family support dinner last night, which was great 🙂 Then, Mom and I get home, and Brad shows up at the front door with a GIANT stuffed Golden Retriever! We’re talking Life-Sized!! It was one that I’d been eyeing with him earlier at the gift shop (and every day prior, as we walked through the hospital for lunch and dinner), and while he and I both commented on how cool it was, I didn’t hint at wanting to buy it or anything!! He totally surprised me…what a sweetheart! I named him “Lucky” and he came to treatment with me this morning. It frequently startled the therapists that came into our room and were not expecting to see a Life-Size Golden Retriever sitting there, so that was pretty entertaining! I was having the same thoughts and struggles this morning while getting ready and during breakfast, but am feeling a little more okay now. My vitals sucked again today, though, which was yet again, very frustrating. I’m trying to just accept it for what it is, and realize that I can only do what I can do-which is to eat 100% and not be active, and that the rest is out of my control. I reminded myself of that before lunch, and prayed that I would have peace, and I think that’s why my frustration is down to a more normal level now, which is really nice. My anxiety related to the weight I feel I’ve gained is still incredibly high, though, and more than anything, I’m just feeling incredibly uncomfortable with myself. Which isn’t a really fun way to feel. But I’m working on it.