Journal #36

February 5th, 2016

The Beavs had an incredible comeback against Utah last night. With seven minutes to go, we were down by 10-and came back to win it in the final seconds on the free throw line. Gill was LIT. The final minutes were on ESPN-not ESPN 2, not ESPN U…. ESPN. Words can’t describe my heartbreak to have been following that game live via twitter, on my couch, in Portland…while my friends were in the stands. I cried myself to sleep. This morning, I awoke with a renewed sense of motivation. That’s not to say I didn’t cringe at myself as I got out of the shower and caught a glance of my reflection in the mirror-my weight gain becoming more and more noticeable. But I want to get back to doing the things I love more than I want to spend time and energy hating myself. With all the (typical) disgust I was feeling this morning towards my body, I tried to distract myself while getting ready. In doing so, I discovered a new coping skill. It turns out, singing songs from “Wicked” at the top of your lungs, while home alone, is incredibly therapeutic. No soundtrack embodies the emotion of transformation more than Wicked does. So, now I’m off to another day of treatment, and while I’m praying Jesus will make it easy for me, I’m going to do my best to embrace the day, regardless. And you can bet I’m wearing my OSU sweatshirt today.

Go Beavs



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