Journal #39

February 8th, 2016

Today has sucked, and I mean SUCKED. I worked so incredibly hard this weekend, and was really, really looking forward to (and anticipating, which was just dumb of me) getting a reward of some sort this morning for my hard work-like having good vitals, being one step closer getting activity Level B, and at least being significantly closer to my target weight. Actually, I thought I might get the pleasant news that I’m weight restored-which would at least allow me to begin to “settle in” to the uncomfortably larger than I’m used to body that I’m now residing in. My body image has yet again been terrible today, but I was able to get through the morning by telling myself that at least I’m closer to my goal weight-maybe even all done restoring. I would so, so love to at least be cleared to take my puppies for a walk and enjoy the sunshine outside… Unfortunately, if you haven’t guessed by now, none of the above happened. My vitals sucked, and my weight’s down-not a lot, but it’s not any closer to my target weight either. Which, is incredibly, incredibly frustrating. My vitals weren’t only slightly bad, either, but reeealllllyy bad. Bad enough that I had to down two gatorades, have my vitals checked four hours later, and then have ANOTHER one. Three 16 oz gatorades (which I don’t even like when I’m healthy) plus the huge amount of food I’m eating, PLUS not being able to move, is not sitting too well with me right now. Oh, also, I forgot to mention that after my weight was taken, I got my exchanges (calories) increased! AGAIN!!! One bright spot in the day has been my conversation with Kailey on the shuttle ride over the the hospital. I’d JUST been told that my exchanges were being increased, and was in a pretty awful mood. Kailey could tell, and talked me into a better place on the way over to lunch. I don’t want to say our conversation totally lifted my spirits, but it got me to smile-which was quite a feat at that point! I was able to eat 100% of lunch (which was a challenge food for me), and returned to feeling awful afterwards. As I write this now, two and a half hours post-lunch, we’re currently having snack, and…I STILL feel awful. But I’m doing it.



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