Journal #44

February 11th, 2016

Lunch was awesome today. I’m not sure why, but Kailey and Liz and I were all in a really giggly mood during and after…which is very, very rare for us, especially around meal times, and to be honest, was incredibly refreshing. I had a large bag of Sunchips (which are notoriously a challenge for me) and a tuna sandwich for lunch. Interestingly enough, the Sunchips were a piece of cake (no pun intended) in comparison to the sandwich that I hadn’t even anticipated being very difficult. I got through it though (per usual), despite feeling more disgust toward myself with every bite (and sip…forgot to mention I had vanilla almond milk, too). I think the tuna sandwich might’ve been more challenging because of the mayo in it, which has always been at the top of my list of “No” foods. Also, the nutritional label and calorie content were very clearly labeled on the wrapping of the sandwich, so that didn’t really help, either. The conversation (which sprouted from the most RANDOM “Would You Rather” cards) was pretty distracting though, and very helpful. I only had to have one Gatorade today, which was a nice change from yesterday. Oh, and also-after I checked in (when we share how we’re feeling at the beginning of the day) this morning, each person in the group went around and said how inspiring and motivating I am, and how my “anger shows in a positive way” (lol). Kailey said she wants to “be more like me” in pushing herself. That was really encouraging and validating to hear, because a lot of times I feel like people think that since I’m eating 100%, it’s easier for me. It’s not. It sucks and is just as hard for me as it is for everyone else. I just continually push myself to do it. So anyway, those words of encouragement and affirmation were much appreciated. Tonight after treatment I’m going to The Tea Bar with Maya and Bri, and I’m looking forward to a nice and distracting time with them after a long day here.



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