March 3rd, 2016
Many hours removed from the situation, I feel I need to clarify a couple things from my previous entry. My mom is hands down, my greatest supporter. Years ago, when I was hospitalized for AN, my mom got rid of the scale in our house and has not brought one in since. She prepares for and sits down with me while I eat almost every single meal. She listens to me while I speak my irrational thoughts, asks what she can do to help, attends family therapy, and endures the awfulness that the ED can bring out in a person. I can’t imagine how difficult this would be, only then to be verbally attacked by your own daughter, because she feels you’re trying to hurt her when you’re trying to restore her body to its optimal health. My mom is absolutely amazing, and I cannot imagine where I would be without her. While yes, she is not in love with her body, she tries to not “negative talk” in front of me. I’m sure it’s pretty darn hard, not to mention annoying, to have someone microanalyzing every comment you make. We were able to talk about “the weight incident” this afternoon, and she apologized and said she didn’t KNOW her weight didn’t meet that criteria (because we don’t have a scale), she just didn’t think it did, and I was able to realized that I’d severely distorted what she’d said. Still, though, I’m keeping the journal entry up there, to show the way words can be misinterpreted when there’s a third party (ED) involved.