March 7th, 2016
I’ve never been one to be a fan of Mondays, but I’m beginning to find myself looking forward to them. There’s something refreshing about having a “fresh start” every seven days, and Monday seems to be the most symbolic of that.
I’m trying to make myself find one thing I can look forward to, or be mindfully thankful for, each day. I really do get frustrated in how self-consuming this disorder is, and I’ve often found that keeping in mind the things that I’m grateful for is a way to get outside of my own head. On Saturday, this was meeting up with a friend from college I haven’t seen since last year for coffee and a trip to the mall. Sunday, it was having a lazy morning and cuddling with the dogs and Mama after we had waffles (Yes, I had waffles for the first time in…years?). Today, it’s getting to enjoy my morning at Starbucks. While these things seem so minuscule, they really are getting me through the days at this point. And it’s so easy to ignore them, and think, “Really? The highlight of my day is spending an hour at Starbucks?”. But then I get a message from a friend of mine in Venezuela, asking how I’m doing, and saying that he is “Doing very well, by the grace of God”, and I remember just how blessed I am. I took a hot shower this morning. I have access to the living word of God. I’m sitting here typing on my Macbook. I was able to fill my car up with gas without a second thought. And while more often than not, recently, I don’t care about these things in the slightest, and I’m just so doggone tired of this fight, I keep telling myself what an awesome life I have. Because I know, deep down, that I do.
I also want to say how appreciative I am of each word of encouragement I get from everyone who’s keeping up with my journey. It truly makes my day to get a message from my Kindergarten teacher (who I happen to be playing “Words with Friends” with!), or a beautiful card my mom left for the on the kitchen counter this morning, or a text from a family friend saying that they’re thinking of me, or a new comment from a stranger on my blog. Even my dogs seem to be more attentive to me than usual! So, if that’s you, thank you. I am more thankful for support than you know.