Journal #78

March 30th, 2016

Day 1/20 down! Yesterday, I successfully completed my first day of Spring Term ’16 at Oregon State. I went to all of my classes, faced the anxiety about walking back on campus head-on, and ate everything on my meal plan. It definitely helped that Mom was able to take the day off of work and come down with me for my first day (which was ESPECIALLY helpful for snacks and meals), but I still returned home feeling proud. Not only proud, but accomplished. I did it yesterday. Yes, my mom was there with me, to hold me accountable and help with conversation and reducing anxiety each time I ate. But I was still the one that did it. If I could do it by myself with her being there, then I can do it without her being there, too. Though it may seem ten times scarier, the actions I have to do are the same.

The anxiety was real as we turned off of I-5 and took Highway 34 to get to Corvallis. I felt my stomach approaching my throat as I envisioned the worst possible scenarios happening. Mom and I prayed, switched the Country music to Christian (sorry, Garth), and began to discuss the plan. When we pulled into campus, I was pleasantly surprised by a good friend of mine (and also my small group leader) walking past our car at just that moment! I gave my mom the keys, told her I loved her, and hopped out to go catch up with Laura. Conveniently enough, we both had our next class in the same building! We walked there together (past Dixon, which I was VERY glad to have a friend to conquer that crossing with), and then each found our classrooms. Afterwards, I called Mama and she came and picked me up and we went off-campus to Starbucks so that I could have my snack and a little later, lunch. I have a two and a half hour break between my two on-campus classes, which is really nice for me, in terms of not having to rush eating. We could’ve stayed on campus during that break, but I was feeling quite anxious, though nothing had happened, and felt like I just needed to “get out” for a little bit. Eventually, it was time to return to campus for my next class, and it went well, other than the fact that the three people sitting DIRECTLY in front of me were having a wonderful conversation about how much weight they’d lost/planned on losing for their “Spring Break and Summer Bodies”. Insert eye roll here. Once class was done, I called Mom and she picked me up again, and then we headed home.

I’m excited to go back tomorrow 🙂


P.S. Sorry for the lack of detail here, but I’ve got to get to work on my homework! It feels so good saying that! 🙂


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