Journal #81

April 10th, 2016

In order to avoid my upcoming (and recent) lack of posting looking like I’ve fallen off the face of the earth, I’m going to say that my posting will likely be continuing to slow down as the rest of my life continues to speed up. School has been going well, of course with its expected challenges, but also with some unexpected awesome moments. I’m really enjoying two out of my three classes (But really, who ever enjoys history, anyway?), as well as getting to spend time with friends that I was unable to when I was in Portland full-time. Thursday was a particularly hard day, but it was following an exceptionally awesome day Tuesday, so it all balanced out 🙂 I’ve been experiencing the continued theme of frustration over not knowing “What I’m going to do with my life”, especially as it comes time to register for classes for the next term, and I’m still not even sure how I’m feeling about this one. I don’t know what to take for Summer term, or even if I’ll be ready to be living in Corvallis then! Ultimately, I did decide that I would register, and realized that if I end up having to withdraw because I’m not able to be living away from home come June, that’s alright. Fall term is only a couple months after that. Many of my peers are beginning to take their Upper-Division courses, and snag internships in fields that they’re hoping to pursue careers in, and I’m often feeling miles behind the “Life Train.” I think I’ve got the best plan possible figured out in the meantime though, and I’ve kind of had to come to accept that if I take some classes my Junior Year that don’t end up being anything near what I want to do for a living, that’s okay. It’s college. And, as my therapist keeps KINDLY reminding me, I’m not even twenty years old.

I recently disclosed something to my mom that she thinks would be of interest to anyone who reads this blog. I haven’t worn lipstick, ever, really. I’ve always just used the cover of it “Not really being my thing”, though I did think my mom knew the real reason why…but I guess not! The other day, we were at Nordstrom so she could buy some new MAC lipstick. There were samples to try on, of course, and my Mom suggested I try one. Since she obviously knows about my eating disorder now, I kind of chuckled and said, “Mom, you know why I don’t wear lipstick”, to which she responded, “No, I don’t?”. And then I laughed, as I explained that lipstick is made of fat, and therefore has calories. I would never put something on my mouth that contained calories, unless, of course, I was getting to deduct it from my meal plan. Well, didn’t that elicit quite a reaction! Mom did NOT think it was very funny, but she did seem to understand. Now it alllllll made sense, and over the past few days, a couple of jokes have been thrown my way about how she “Won’t be eating as much for dinner, because she put lipstick on.” Very funny, Mom!

Okay…I’ll end with that (kind of) funny story, and get back to my homework. I’m remembering what it feels like to procrastinate something other than eating!!

🙂 Bridge

 

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7 thoughts on “Journal #81

  1. Hi! So, I’m totally not a creeper (I swear!) but I am that mom that was sitting behind you at Starbucks this morning, with my toddler Mara who was running around saying Hi to you! I happened to glimpse the name of your blog when you opened it up, not on purpose but the word “recovery” stuck out to me. I have suffered from anorexia since I was 14 (half my life, I’m 28 now!) and am “recovered” now. That word is in quotes because I’m not positive what recovery really means so how do I know for sure that I’m there! Haha. Anyway. That’s all… just wanted to say hi. I was too shy to say anything to you about it in person but… yeah. So, hi! 🙂 -Kate

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  2. Also, I should probably mention that I’ve been in St. V’s several times since 2006. My handprint is on the wall just to the left of the vitals/weight room door, and it says “Kate S. – A ship in harbor is safe but that is not what ships are for.” If you’re in contact with any of the staff there, tell them Kate Simson says hi. 🙂

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    1. Wow. I saw Mara, your darling daughter wanting, “up me” in the high chair, and your mother was with you, too. I came to visit Bridgette a few minutes before you left and Bridgette had wanted you and your little girl to return so I could see how cute she was. I love your quote, Kate. I know motherhood put air in my sails and has given me more strength and stamina than any other thing. God is my source, but my children have been my motivation. I hope Mara being on board puts your ship to good use. Of course there are many reasons besides our children to make ourselves useful. Whether it’s our children, someone’s else’s children, or the person who might observe us unknowingly in a coffee shop, we’re designed for much more than staying afloat in the harbor. I hope your ship is sailing.

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  3. Pingback: Man, I Feel Like a Woman | Bridgette and Goliath

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