Journal #84

April 26th, 2016

It’s been a week since my last post-that’s crazy to me. To say that time’s been flying by seems like the understatement of the century. I took a midterm today, and am over halfway through spring term at Oregon State.

While it’d be nice to say the past week’s been all sunshine and roses, that wouldn’t be very real. The past weekend was hard, and I found myself in a very low place numerous days. It seemed to be initiated by a one-on-one session with a personal trainer (long story, but I have decided that I will not continue seeing him) on Friday morning, and then continued declining from there. My mom and I did go to an awesome play on Saturday night, though the meal before was not so fabulous. We decided to try out the “Garden Bar”, which was my idea, as I’d seen quite a few posts on social media about it, as well as passing the restaurant downtown. The idea of the place itself is cool, it’s sort of like a Salad spin-off of Chipotle. There are a ton of ingredients, and you pick what you want in your salad while the person behind the bar makes it for you. They also have a menu with some recommended combos. Both my mom and I ended up ordering off the menu-the number of ingredients if you choose to make it yourself is quite overwhelming! When we were handed our salads, even my mom’s eyes got huge. The salads were ginormous. Easily enough to feed four people, and be a full dinner entree for two to split. I’d found the nutritional information online beforehand though, and calculated my exchanges for that meal according to eating the whole salad…I didn’t realize how big they were going to be. My mistake.

About an hour and two INCREDIBLY full stomachs later, we’d gotten as far as we were going to get with our meals. I could’ve forced myself to finish it, but I was already very, very uncomfortable, and as my mom pointed out-it almost seems more disordered to make myself eat a massive salad to meet my  exchange “Quota” than it does to be a couple exchanges under. We both really enjoyed the play, but I woke up the next morning still feeling way too full. Part of me thought it might be my disordered mind telling me how full I still was; could the salad have REALLY been that big? But I was pleased to know that I wasn’t imagining things when my mom told me that she was full as well, and did’t think she would be returning to the restaurant. I don’t think I will, either.

A large chunk of Sunday was spent downtown interviewing people who are homeless for a feature-story I’m doing in my writing class. I actually really enjoyed doing it, and returned the following day to continue a conversation I’d had with one man. The evening brought with its challenges though, per usual, as tonight we were going out to dinner with a good friend to celebrate my mom’s birthday. I ordered shrimp linguini, which I recognized was very good, despite the terrifying amount of oil the dish contained. We had an awesome time at dinner, but my mom and I got into it on the way home, regarding something that had happened at dinner (non-E.D.-related), which I was NOT in the mood to deal with. I was so consumed with feelings and emotions regarding what I’d just eaten, which was no doubt, the most challenging meal I’ve had to date, and did not want to receive any sort of reprimand. While we did end up resolving it (I eventually came out of my depressed funk), I spun myself into a pretty low place for a while.

Monday was significantly better than Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, as was today. While my mom are currently amidst some frustration regarding a pedometer she’s wearing for a challenge that’s going on at work (I understand that they’re completely healthy for the majority of the population, but the whole mentality of meeting a “certain number of steps” is quite triggering for me-which is probably something that I need to work on), today’s been a good day, too. I am thankful that my mom is healthy enough to walk, that I get to go stay with my best friend from Canopy Cove over memorial day weekend in Columbus, Ohio (WOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!), and that I felt good about my history midterm today. And so, so many other things.




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