“Man plans, God laughs.” That’s the Yiddish version, the version which I see floating all over my Pinterest feed so frequently.
“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it’s the Lord’s plan that prevails.”
This verse has never seemed to ring truer to my life than it does right now.
I’ve shared many struggles and triumphs on this blog, and I’m sure at many times portrayed a more negative attitude than I’d like. It is a wonderful feeling though, to be overwhelmed about the number of options I have, none of which have to do with my eating disorder, and to be able to lean on God to ask Him which of the wonderful options, all of which I am excited about, I should pursue for this next stage in my life. Wow, that was a long sentence. I apologize!
Many times over the recent years, I’ve turned to God in frustration, in sadness, in despair. I turned to God to ask for peace that surpasses all understanding, to cry out about the injustices I was seeing around me, and to ask why His power wasn’t prevailing over the illness that I, as well as so many others, was fighting. I thank God a lot. And like I’ve shared before, I know how fortunate I am in so many ways. But I also complain. A lot.
I’ve always been a person who likes structure, plans, rigidity, and the like. I’m the girl who has three planners, color-codes her notes, and writes the following day’s schedule, from wake-up time to the time I’ll sit down and eat breakfast before walking out the door, in my Notes app on my phone before bed every night. I guess that goes hand in hand with me having anxiety; knowing exactly what’s to come calms me, significantly.
Even over the past two weeks, though I’ve been filled with a good amount of excitement as I consider my plans for the future — Do I want to transfer schools? Should I pursue nursing this next year? Where do I look; do I even want to stay on the West Coast? — I’ve found myself considerably anxious. I don’t think that’s that abnormal, as these are some pretty major life-decisions, but it is funny to me how often I get worked up over things when I say I believe that God’s in control of my life. If I so believe this (which I do), then why do I spend so much time and energy worrying about it?
This week, I’m coming to God with an abundant heart. I feel as though I can’t stop smiling, and I want to sing His praises from the rooftops. That might sound a little over-dramatic, but whatever. It’s my blog 😉
For the first time in a long, long time, I’m faced with making a decision that I feel can’t go poorly. I like all of my options. I trust that God will provide in each of them, whichever I choose. And ultimately, I believe that His purpose will prevail regardless.
Last week, as I alluded to in Tuesday’s entry, I had an interview for what is literally my dream job (at this point in my life, and without a college-degree). Okay, maybe I should say it’s my dream COLLEGE job. I felt good after I walked out of the interview, but I also knew how many qualified applicants there were, therefore making the competition incredibly stiff. I also knew that my resume wasn’t superb, given the gaps that have appeared for months at a time. I haven’t held one job for over a year, not because of being fired or anything of that sort but for medical reasons, and I knew my references would speak highly of me, but still. I was insecure about it.
Calling my mom after I walked out of the interview last week, I told her that it was awesome and went great, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up about anything. When I left, the interviewers said that I’d hear back in the next week. I went into the weekend on such a high from experiencing a glimpse of the reality of what that job would be, thinking that if I got the job, I’d likely hold-off the pursuit of transferring schools for another year. While it’s not quite as desirable in terms of efficiency, I felt that while the option to get a nursing degree will be there should I choose to transfer schools this year, or in the next two years, this job will not. I truly felt a presence that I knew could only be from God. Whichever way it went — if I got the job but didn’t get into the schools I applied to, or if I didn’t get the job but got accepted to transfer into a nursing program — I’d be happy either way.
Yesterday morning, I awoke to a voicemail from the first of the schools (there are three, total) that I’d applied to, saying that I’ve been accepted.
I was told about an hour ago that the job in Corvallis mine, should I choose to accept it.
I’ve yet to hear back from the other two schools, but I’m not even worried about it. I haven’t a doubt that God’s in control. His purpose will prevail. And it seems like, just in this instant, that His will and my desires may align just perfectly.