Well, well, well…I’m in Europe! I really can’t believe I’m here. The whole trip has been surreal so far, from the minute I stepped onto my plane at PDX, to seeing Maddie for the first time as my train arrived in Florence (or “Firenze,” as the locals say), to even right now, while we’re sitting down at the cutest cafe called “Ditta Artigianale.” If you’re wondering if me being in Europe means that I reached my goal weight at the weigh-in following my last blog, I did not. That goal remains, and needs to happen ASAP. Actually, ASAP’s coming up pretty darn soon, as my therapist has said that I will be dropped from her care if I am not weight restored upon my return (which I do understand, since my going on the trip is against their recommendation). There’s a long story to cover the last few weeks, which I will detail later, but am not going to go into right now. For the next six days I have left in Italy and France, I’m just going to focus on and enjoy the present. I’m challenging myself in LOTS of new ways here. I’ve already had gelato twice, which is more than I’ve had dessert in the last six months. I’ve also had pizza so fresh the cheese slid all the way off of it, three cappuccinos made with whole milk, two servings of gelato, the and two sandwiches on thick, home made Italian focaccia bread, fresh mozzarella, olive and sun dried tomato pâté, and prosciutto that I watched them slice off the pig. And it’s only day four. I’m sure you can see why my eating disorder is going a bit haywire at this point! I am doing okay though. Even though nothing that I’ve eaten since Thursday has been off of my typical menu, I’m doing alright. Actually, I’m doing more than alright, I’m getting to enjoy Italy with one of my best friends. And that’s my plan for the next six days as well. To try, the best I can, to just enjoy it. Or as my mom would say, “embrace the gelato.” She thinks that should be my hashtag/mantra for this trip, and that I should call it my “recovery tour.” I think it’s cute, but probably won’t be hashtagging it on my instagram anytime soon 🙂
I will say that I’m a bit concerned about how much walking we’re doing, given my need to gain weight. I am working so, SO hard in my eating here…seriously every single thing I’ve put in my mouth has been a food that my eating disorder has previously said “No” to, but I’m definitely not following the guidelines for exercise restriction. It’s unrealistic on this trip, and I knew that coming, which is partially how I’m justifying everything I’m eating to my eating disorder. If I’m going to exercise (nothing more than walking, though!) when I’m not supposed to, I need to be compensating with my eating.
But, I also know that I’ve been in situations before where I’ve worked incredibly hard, and it still wasn’t enough. My goal for the next week is to finish strong in my eating, and try to enjoy it as much as I can. We will see about that last part!
Okay… here are a few photos! I’m blogging right now because Maddie is working on homework, but I probably won’t get around to posting again until I’m home.
Ciao, and Happy Holidays!